Can you look over the big pond on your high horse?
Oh, you’re still up?
Well, thanks for asking. I have actually been thinking about this.
Oh, you mean, in the metaphysical sense? Well, you have come to the right place.
You see, since I first gained consciousness, I have floated on this cloud. Many don’t know but the clouds follow a rhythm.
That doesn’t make sense? Okay, let me put it differently. So imagine you’re on a raft and you are floating down this river. You see landscapes passing by, sometimes your river is moving fast, sometimes slower. You get stuck, maybe even for a longer time. You make friends on the river banks while you wait until the river drags you along again. You see the most beautiful person you ever saw – high up there, on a rock. But the river goes on. You find love elsewhere. Somewhere you are stuck again. You take your love on the raft. The water gets shaky and your love falls off. Such is living on a raft.
You bump into other rafts. Some have golden ones, some are just sitting on a log. The ones on the log have an advantage to the ones on big, stable constructions – they know how to get back up when they have fallen in. The river continues and you can’t even remember who built this raft. If you think about it, you have never thought about the raft. What’s it even made of? All this time on it and you don’t even know what it is that is saving your life from drowning, making you move down this river with ease.
So you look around, try to find clues. Perhaps I was born on this raft? But where’s my family? I saw them depart on their own ones, a long time ago.
You fall into madness.
The raft is becoming your obsession. Intricate details pop up. You see scars on yourself, places you have missed before. Cracks in the wood from earlier encounters with rocky waters. The place your love sat. You are lost in thought over your raft.
Do I even deserve one?
Amid your efforts to make sense of it all, you don’t even realise – the river has stopped. You have stopped moving. You look forward, the raft moves with your eyes. You look further, the river goes faster. You look towards the riverbank – only to realise it comes closer.
You look onto your raft. Your head is spinning. You feel numb and alleviated at the same time. I mean…
“…. What happens if I look back?”