I don’t know which state I am in or what the time is, all I know is that I must write.
It is never really clear what is missing when you’re forcing yourself. Whenever you THINK you NEED to sleep, sleep will retaliate by blessing everyone but you. Whenever you KNOW that you MUST sleep, both sleep and your body will unite to give you the power of your 16-year old self to pull an all-nighter.
So what am I deprived of? Is it really sleep or is it something else?
It was winter for a while, the lack of sun. Sometimes it is monotony that kills a drive, suffocating noble spirits. Deprivation can slow you down, if you let it.
So here I stand against the odds, sending another obscure message your way. Beloved community of the void that is Papa Shanghai, this is an effort. An attempt to fight all that we think is lacking, without giving it any power, completely ignoring it.
Sleep is a cruel mistress, even worse: a flaky little fairy.
I am not trying to catch you. Peter Pan knew very well that Tinkerbell was sassy. (Go watch the movie again if you don’t trust me). I am getting off track.
I’ll continue, in my mind, trying not to look at what is lacking. It will come, surely…
…. just like Tinkerbell…
… fairy dust and all.