Before my head disappears in the clouds I will blow some smoke for the illusion of disappearing.

I am waiting in my carton, amongst equals but somehow special. Lust has brought us here, desire will deliver us to our final destination. I am a product of nature, yet unhealthy. At some point, I will disappear completely (luckily?).

Yet here I am, in your hands. It is up to you to pursue this habit.

It makes no sense but oh the sensation is pleasant. There’s no reason, it’s pure nonsense. Yet somehow we meet again and again.

For whatever reason you have brought me here, in this very moment it does not matter. Perhaps it’s what’s supposed to happen. Perhaps it is the culture. Maybe desire? Sadness? Peer pressure?

We will not find out, you and me.

I might just be a cigarette, but is our encounter not emblematic for something larger? Am I just delusional, making myself feel special among the thousands beside me?

Will you go through with it?

I am devouring moldy cheese and no one can stop me.

While the cheese slowly untangles the endorphins I contemplate whether the longing for something attainable is more rewarding that the yearning for things never to be reached. As arrogant organisms on earth, humans have an unhealthy appetite for more, notwithstanding already being pampered.

Nutrition, worth in any sense, position. MORE.

As they do, Germans have expressed this sentiment and actively acknowledged the: seemingly intrinsic nature of humankind. Sehnsucht – the addiction to longing – yearning.

Shouldn’t they be taught a lesson by yearning for the unattainable?

Truly yearning for something involves the tragedy of not being able to achieve it. Yearning is a lesson in patience, in devotion and ultimately, acceptance.

While I am slowly being numbed by the unhealthy amounts of moldy cheese in my stomach I being to fall into a coma, a state of numbness that is a consequence of the fulfilment of my longing. No longing anymore, for the cheese, just a state of lethargy. Devoid of emotions I rethink why I was eating so much cheese.

The emotions that come and go with yearning are never the same, but always intense. Contemplating what could have happened, yearning for the moment that never was and most likely never will be. It hits, always intense but never the same.

So while my longing for cheese led me to this state of immobility, I continue to yearn. For the big things, the noble and tragic things. The small ideas and the big emotions. The alternate realities, the things I am not, the lightness of my being that sparkles somewhere.

Perhaps I should get some more cheese. I mean, who will stop me?

Hoping for a late weekly state to bring this week to an end? You’re in luck. Here it is.

As Dana is making her way through the jungle, she is regularly faced with an existential crisis. She has been crawling, climbing and walking. Staying, sleeping, staring into the void. Giving up, going on.

How long, she cannot even remember. The wise Raisin. has once told her that for every step forward, two new thoughts come to mind.

Is it better then, to just stay still? Choose a spot to settle down? How can she choose this ominous spot? Is this current one as good as any? Will she find a better or one did she already pass it? There’s three new thoughts and not even one step further. The thinking machine called brain has no downtime.

She pushes her thoughts back, at least she tries. Another climb just to come to the conclusion that what lies behind is more ground to cover.

It’s a green hell on bad days. A luscious jungle on good ones. Which of the two this last week was, you decide. She’s too tired.

And there she goes, Dana the beetle. I am wondering why she doesn’t just fly. I guess it’s all part of the adventure. As I stand up from my squat I try to calculate how long it will take for Dana to cross this meadow. How long it takes me to cross it.

Where’s my luscious jungle, is this my green hell? Another climb, another two thoughts. I guess me and Dana, we are on the way.

Somewhere Green.