Category: Weekly state (Page 6 of 30)

I don’t know which state I am in or what the time is, all I know is that I must write.

It is never really clear what is missing when you’re forcing yourself. Whenever you THINK you NEED to sleep, sleep will retaliate by blessing everyone but you. Whenever you KNOW that you MUST sleep, both sleep and your body will unite to give you the power of your 16-year old self to pull an all-nighter.

So what am I deprived of? Is it really sleep or is it something else?

It was winter for a while, the lack of sun. Sometimes it is monotony that kills a drive, suffocating noble spirits. Deprivation can slow you down, if you let it.

So here I stand against the odds, sending another obscure message your way. Beloved community of the void that is Papa Shanghai, this is an effort. An attempt to fight all that we think is lacking, without giving it any power, completely ignoring it.

Sleep is a cruel mistress, even worse: a flaky little fairy.

I am not trying to catch you. Peter Pan knew very well that Tinkerbell was sassy. (Go watch the movie again if you don’t trust me). I am getting off track.

I’ll continue, in my mind, trying not to look at what is lacking. It will come, surely…

…. just like Tinkerbell…

… fairy dust and all.

The devil flew from the sky, fired by god, and yet the devil became more than an anti-angel, it became an anti-god.

As ancient wisdom is being pre-chewed for fast-food loving generations, I have noticed that in particular Stoicism seems to be en vogue. Maybe it’s because it can be summed up rather fast, at least for the production of a self-help book.

The devil was banned to walk the earth. (Tells you a lot about the earth if you ask me). What did it do? Beg for return and forgiveness? I mean technically there’s wooden boxes for that, they even come with an absolving professional.

It went further, creating another kingdom, one that some even pray to. If the devil would walk the earth among us, he probably would be invited to become a motivational speaker. Anyone gets a stage these days, do not worry about the ethics.

Now, you ask me, have you become a Satanist? Who are you siding with here?

To be honest, in times where anti-heroes become the main character, siding with the one that is now the new anti-hero is right, right? Complicated nonetheless.

I am just siding with myself for the moment, creating my own kingdom. What that looks like? Come have a look, you’re (warmly, even burningly?) invited. Just kidding.

I’ve always been interested in the differences and shades that life offers.

How are humans brought up, what makes us seek the things we long for? What constitutes a societally rational longing and what is deemed as deviating? Who are we to judge the manifold intricacies of human nature?

Being inquisitive yet non-judgemental remains the major standard to uphold.

This week I was peeking, into realms beyond the cloud that I sleep and vegetate on. I was intrigued and surprised, all the while maintaining my curiosity without judgement.

It’s time to peek around, especially when we are sure of our current standing. It’s always good to challenge your view.

That’s why I put these shades on. Can you see me?

Beware of the moment that the Faraday cage breaks.

This week dear Papa has been contained, too dangerous to be let into the free world? I’ll never know, I do not know who is the bearer of the key that locks me in.

I have it reasonably cozy in here and there is not a single thing entering my sphere of influence. Am I locked in out is the rest locked out? I am screaming these thoughts from my cave in the mountains, screaming it into a pillow as I secretly do not want you to know.

I float in the halls and everything I think, is on hold until I think it again. Everything I move stays the same, as long as I don’t touch it again. There’s a sense of immediate power over surroundings that mitigates the feeling of powerlessness amid the relentless energy of time.

In the end, I debate whether I should dare to touch the cage and just see how strong the current is? Light massage or eternal sleep?

I walk towards the lock, as I come closer I see…

it wasn’t even locked.

Fatty fragrance hits my nose and I am stunned.

The guys in causal workwear, not even sure if they work here, ignore the beeps. What else is there to do if there’s nothing but beeps?

The alcohol has led to an epidemic. It is almost 2 in the morning and carbs are in need. What is usually regarded as trash is happily consumed. We are at the epitome of making ourselves happy.

Beeping of all kinds fills the room, making no one nervous but promising sweet relief for those in need of deep fried, frozen goods.

Sweet relief of salty pleasures tickle mu stomach. Heaven for a few minutes for the mishaps of the night.

Beep beep.

I know what’s coming and it repulses me. I love it.

Night leaves a few choices and I am not sure whether I am making the right one. Hello carbs, goodbye stomach.

Beep beep.